I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
