absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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