were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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