Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
