Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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