i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
