i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
