My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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