Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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