Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i came on her dog
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
