I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
