Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
