I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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