just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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