she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
