I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
