I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
