sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
