Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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