All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
