The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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