You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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