Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
