im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
