omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
