You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
