I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
