just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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