you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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