4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
