Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
