Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
