i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
