can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
