I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
