the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
