My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
