when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
