So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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