he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
