You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
