i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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