Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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