Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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