Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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