taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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