I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drunk is not a location!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
