I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
