i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
