Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i will never coherently bang her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
