i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
