So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
